abc.net.au
FOMO and gratitude.
FOMO and gratitude.
Fear of Missing Out.
When you are experiencing FOMO and overwhelmed by that it can be hard to enjoy the feeling of gratitude.
My mother liked to class me as an ungrateful brat at times.
But what i had was an older sister who was heavily favoured.
So yeah undoubtedly not all kids get to attend gymnastics classes or piano lessons.. So yeah well done getting your kids to those places. That was nice of you to be so thoughtful. [all kids ought to have access to experiences that enrich their lives or give them direction]
But those are only some things we had equal. Much of the other stuff like support and financial spending went to my Big sister and others in my family in a highly disproportionate fashion.
It didn't matter how much better i behaved than her. They showered her with things.. Not too excessively that anyone would notice.. but enough that i could call them out on stuff.. so it felt terrible. She'd get opportunities and then they don't do it just when i get older at all like they said they would.. they have no money or energy left for me.
They over invested in my older sibling.
So here i gave an opportunity to do some acting to a friend.. i am no longer in the confident position for performing with oodles of confidence in myself..
It was a strong interest when i was younger because the pedantic correcting of my mother and book obsession and yes taking me to puppet shows.. meant i was well placed to do performing.. at school i did not get opportunities.. even dress ups i some how missed out on.. maybe because the other kids finished maths work first and got their pick at it.
I think it was more than just a feeling and that things were actively structured so that i would miss out on what i had aspirations for.
When i moved into a place and finally had my own living space such as bathroom and kitchen rather than shared I had another FOMO moment where my psychologist was showering attention and opportunities on another person..
At the ABC i had to put my hand up to do the TV extra work because i felt so low at the bottom of the stairs doing cleaning voluntarily at indoor cricket when i had passed that role onto a friend.
I saw the opportunity on facebook but didn't think it was right for me anymore.
Technically this is a place i had strong skills but realistically i should be moving to being a producer or something by now showing such great form and interest early on.
It's that passionate interest and willingness to put in the hard work that makes me a champion.
So yeah FOMO here and FOMO there.
When i got a room to myself with toilet facilities alone for just one night it was great. I was grateful.. When i moved into a place by myself i was robbed of that enjoyment by FOMO induced quite deliberately by a psychologist..
I am not sure this is treatment.. i have access to all my memories and first saw him at 19 when i could have freshly talked of it and received support.
To want someone to confide in over it and determine whether the prevention of my achieving any of my aspirations involved any negligence or abuse that needs to be taken before the courts is what i expected from psychological / psychiatric care and is not an unreasonable ask.
Females might not see a lot of paid roles as being things females do but acting was where i could see an opening. Other children were rather dull and bland.
I didn't enjoy it too much at all because others were getting paid more than me.. I don't know what is with this behaviour of trying to convince me that i am worthless as a human being.
Cash is diverted to people who are not the most needy. The other people were in a better position in life than me. It wasn't their primary aspiration. They could just wear costumes later as adults for fun. I needed this in my youth. I never wanted a woman's body.
If putting me through these things on purpose.. guys i had my head around all the 101 psychology concepts in my childhood. I already was self aware and expected to get to share this in therapy.
