Where do I begin?! I nearly drowned in this river ...

Where do I begin?! I nearly drowned in this river and this crazy bunch of hill billies wanted to throw my butt back in because I didn't have a launching/landing permit to be on their "private property!" Needless to say, this "private property" was the first thing I smacked into with my kayak so there really wasn't much of a choice for launching or "landing" for that matter. So IF you're a paying customer you just might get the friendly escort down the river, but fail to bribe these greedy tools and you'll get your butt thrown into the water faster than you can say "WAIT MY LIFE JACKET!"