3 years ago
Whatever you think you're getting with this luau, ...
Whatever you think you're getting with this luau, you're not.
They make you show up at 4:30 and stand in a crowded area like cows, and if it's sunny you become a fried cow. Then you shuffle into the luau area at 5:15, meaning you just wait in a fenced off area with no entertainment or bathrooms for 45 minutes.
They greet you like any typical luau, but they give you a shell lei instead of flowers; no biggie, but for $80+ a ticket, I wanted flowers. They had activities for less than 20 minutes in which you could get an airbrush tattoo or weave a headband or throw arrows. That was decent, but it went downhill after that.
The food was cheap for what you pay; typical iceberg salad with baby carrots, tomatoes, and cucumbers. The actual dishes were not labeled so it was a game of mystery meat and what-type-of-potatoes-are-these? It was cooked decently, but the pork was flavorless and slightly slimy. It felt like food cooked at a family summer party; edible but very low budget. I will give props to the pineapple cake; only part I enjoyed other than the rice.
After the food came the show, and man oh man what a show it was. I should preface this by saying that I am a professionally trained dancer in the disciplines of jazz, ballet, tap, lyrical, hip hop, etc., but not in cultural dancing. I say that because I judged this in the way I would judge any other genre of dance, but again, I could be getting this all wrong. So... first and foremost, not all of these dancers were Hawaiian. Born on the island? Sure. Native descendants? Debatable. Not that I have any problem with that, to each their own, but it was advertised as a traditional Hawaiian luau. Just sayin. Then the actually dancing was mediocre. I've seen the good, bad, and ugly, and this was... well, not good. They were doing traditional dances, but they were not superb dancers. The dance tribute to Elvis' Blue Hawaii? Yeah that was terrible. The dancer was walking around the stage doing the same hand movements the entire time; no actual dancing. Another dancer tangled her ball props and just stood on stage shaking them for a solid minute and a half before she was able to untangle them. I was mortified for her; how do you not know how to recover from a screw up?!
THEN IT GOT WORSE
They went on to do a dance and then went into the audience and pulled people up onstage to dance with them. Then they had them all say their names and where they were from. Like any of us care. At this point, my family and I got up and left.
My mother was dying to take me to a luau after she went to a few on Kauai, but she was highly disappointed in this one. Even without having seen the other lauas, I can tell you, this was a cheesy/hokey take on a luau. They straight up play on the ignorance of tourists, make it as cheap as possible, and reap in the money.
If you want to go to a luau, don't go to this one.