Ovidiu Daraban

Review of The Resort Collection of Panam...

Absolutely abhorrent. I can t believe this was lis...

Absolutely abhorrent. I can t believe this was listed as a 4 star resort on Hotwire. Dirty, nasty, and unscrupulous, I ve had a better experience at a 2 star motel.

The first surprise was the crazy cleaning and resort fee of $175 for just a 1 night stay. I was already expecting a resort fee, but $175 is more than what the room cost to begin with, which was $128 for 1 night ($167 after taxes). Still, I reluctantly agreed, and then readied myself for a sweet 4 star experience.

The room was on the property across the street from the registration office, which is really inconvenient since you have to also return the wristband at checkout or they ll charge you another $20. The only restaurant on property is also across the street. When I pulled up to my villa I was presented with a stucco building that looked more like a motel. Not great from the outside but I was content to find my villa to be a pretty spacious 1 bedroom (1.5 bathroom) apartment on the second floor complete with kitchen and laundry. The appliances were old and the cabinetry was dated, but it had a warm feel to it. But I soon realized that my $175 cleaning fee was wasted on a fantasy. The pictures speak for themselves but feel free to keep reading.

The next unfortunate surprise came about as seeing tissue paper in the toilet, still unflushed. A small oversight I guess so I forgave it. But then I laid on one of the queen beds to rest, and to my horror I spotted a few inches from my face a crusty white substance staining the blanket in several locations. Thank goodness the other bed was ok. As I walked to the other bed I noticed the carpet was stained and dirty, certainly unbecoming of a 4 star resort. I headed back to the bathroom to wash away my disappointment. I discovered a bit of dried bloody spittle on the sink vanity when I unfortunately rested my finger on it as I leaned towards the mirror. I spotted a vacuum cleaner in the closet and was driven to actually try cleaning the room myself, but as soon as I plugged it in I realized I was bamboozled. It was broken, like my hopes for this place.

The bath tub was a premanufactured plastic atrocity that was deformed on the bottom and allowed almost no light in to actually see what you re doing. I nevertheless welcomed a hot shower until I noticed a slow drain that quickly accumulated into a couple inches of nasty bath water after just a couple of minutes. Alas, as I splashed through that grimy water I realized it was still not deep enough to drown my massive disappointment. In retrospect I find myself happy that checkout is at 10am because I can t wait to get the hell out of here.

I would never stay here again, I ve stayed at nicer spots for 80% less money, and I would not recommend this property to anyone. The cleaning fee is a sham, just like the worthless prop of a vacuum cleaner. They should be ashamed.