Wrenn Bellamy

Review of Espai Alimara

Many people think hell is a philosophical place bu...

Many people think hell is a philosophical place but after staying in this hotel I can confirm it is very real. Since the hotel is close to virtually nothing of interest in Barcelona, you will likely arrived sweating and frazzled from a long journey on public transportation. The relatively cool lobby greets you where you quickly receive your room key. Head over to the elevator and upon entering it feel the temperature climb about 10 degrees. Then as you ascend and enter the hallway, feel it rise a bit more. Finally, put the key in your door, open it, and feel all of satan's fury blow into your face as you enter your room that has been baking in the sun all day, windows either open or, probably worse, drawing in greenhouse heat with black curtains. Try in vain to cool the room by adjusting the A/C, and then head down to the lobby to ask why your room is 40 degrees celsius.

The kind lobby staff inform you that the A/C only works when the windows are closed and sealed and the thermostat is set to 20 degrees celsius. Since youarrived around 17:00 with a two year old and an infant, you only have a few hours to cool the room before bed time. Needless to say it was still a sauna at bed time.

No worries, though, there's plenty to do outside the room, like walk around a completely residential/office space neighborhood next to a highway with next to no restaurants or shops.

When bed time comes, drift off to sleep in your pool of sweat only to be awakened in the darkest night by a blaring fire alarm. Yes, the hotel does have a fire system that can only resist the flames of hell for so long. Stumble down the fire escape with your distraught children in your arms only to wander outside the hotel with a bunch of other strangers in their pajamas and a complete absence of guidance from hotel staff or security. Stare blankly into the dark street until the excruciatingly loud noise stops. Make your way back to the front desk to ask if it's safe to go back to bed and have the staff curtly tell you that someone was smoking. Don't expect an apology. You should have known better than to stay there after reading this review.

After returning to your still uncomfortably hot room and investing the time to get your kids back to sleep, lie awake listening to the highway below and loud neighbors through the paper thin windows and walls.

When you wake up, make sure to ask the front desk to schedule a taxi for you to make it to the airport on time (taxi required since the airport is 1.5 hours by public transport). The desk will kindly inform you that taxis can't be scheduled, you have to just ask them to call one when you're ready to leave. Then it MIGHT arrive in 15 minutes.

Head back to your room to discover your floor is covered in a massive puddle as water pours from the ceiling, though the lit light fixtures. Attempt to evade electrical shock, grab your bags and family, and run for the exit before the combined powers of water, electricity, and beelzebub end your visit a little too early.

When you're checking out, make sure to have 42 cents ready for the 40 second local call that you made. Why would the hotel waive such a fee for a guest that they've treated so kindly? How could they ever make money giving out free 40 second phone calls?

When you actually are ready to head to the airport, return to the desk and ask them to call your taxi. Then they'll kindly let you know that, instead of them calling a cab for you, you need to go to the hot, sunny curb and wait in line behind the 4 other families that are hoping a taxi will randomly pass by this god forsaken place. As you wait, reflect on your decision to stay here. Should you have heeded the advice of my review? Feel the sweat trickle down your back, knowing you have to wear these clothes for the next 6 hours in close quarters on your plane. As you beg the taxi drivers picking up the guests in front of you to call their friends, remind yourself to always check the reviews before booking.