Dined at The Cellar Bar last evening- 'memorable' ...

Dined at The Cellar Bar last evening- 'memorable' because the food and timing of service was so exceptionally poor.

I have rounded up times.



We foolishly assumed that menus, water or a drinks request would follow. Another 10 minutes elapsed and a drinks waiter arrived with menus, and just as rapidly disappeared.

However, once we placed our glass of wine & G & T' order another 10-15minutes passed before they appeared; at which point we asked could we order food / have some menus?

At this stage we had been at the table for over 30 minutes.

Once the Menus arrived via disinterested / rushed / exuding "I have done this a 1000 times get on with it" vibe...Maitre de... we placed our main orders and asked for bowl of olives and fresh oysters as starters, thinking, that will not take too long ...surely?

25 minutes passed and I called over the Maitre de to ask why were we waiting so long for a bowl of olives & fresh oysters? His reply..."Senora the oysters come from our grill" ..so that is why"

Hmmm not really a rationale for these simple items.

Still no bread, water, cutlery had arrived. Another 10 minutes elapsed & a flurry hit our table of olives, oysters, bread, cutlery, water glasses.

At this stage we had been at the table for over an hour.



The oysters, which when we had earlier enquired as to their origin, we were informed they were, "fresh from Coffin Bay"

The oysters served to us were loose & so small and so salty we could not eat our compliment.

Coffin Bay oysters are Internationally recognised for their quality, flavour, size, firmness and usually offer a sweet lingering aftertaste. The oysters that were served to us were oceans away from that description!

Before I get to the Main Event...I must stop to comment on the bread...we were served a small basket of fat, white, doughy, cake consistency slabs which were as far from traditional Italian bread or similar, as Rome is to Melbourne.

I was embarrassed, as I had brought my guest to an experience that could have been expected on any tourist strip around the world where the rider is usually 'enter at your own risk' and don't be fooled by the pictures in the windows of the dishes on offer !

The Main Event.... and by now, I'm sure you've guessed we had a long wait between clearing and our main meal arriving...my guest had ordered veal scallopini which was (not described on the menu ) but served piccata, with a dollop of mash.

The two small, dry, tough offerings were pushed around my guests plate and the mash saved his hunger and plate of green beans we shared.

But the absolute stand out as an atrocious MINUS -10 was the Spaghetti Vongole that I had ordered.

The pasta.....al dente was a faded dream ...............tough, chewy, flavourless, no briny sauce suggesting clams were on offer, no parsley, garlic, chilli or oily flavours...just dry spaghetti which if I had to place a bet, my money would be on ..it came out of packet!

The clams microscopic and with hand on heart I state...the first 6 were completely OPEN; FLAT OPEN; EMPTY, no remnant of membrane, SHELLS ONLY??? The next 4 (only 10 in the dish) were teeny, tiny flavourless dots. In all, no more than a teaspoon of sea meat!

I should have known by then, that anything to follow was going to be substandard & the chopped chilli I requested was less hot than todays temperature !