Oh, the Chocolate Ride is viscerally terrifying. T...

Oh, the Chocolate Ride is viscerally terrifying. The animatronics are slow, jilted, and otherwise creepy, but that's to be expected - think that Chuck-E-Cheese a few towns over that's yet to modernize. You know, the one with the band of slow-moving, empty-eyed, aimlessly mouth-flapping robots singing music that was dated when they were new.

The anthropomorphized chocolate follows no set scheme or logic, and the implications get more and more disturbing the deeper you go. The Hershey Bar makes sense, almost; his face is on the top of the bar, as you might expect, hanging out of the top of the package. Normal, fine, makes sense.

The Reeses Cups has one face that's just a complete cup, hovering above the open packaging. Following the previously-established logic of the Hershey Bar, there are two other Cups composing the rest of the structure - one for the midsection, and another for the legs. The "three-kids-in-a-trenchcoat" approach, which is just not a sustainable way to live, even for mass-produced chocolates.

The Hershey's Kiss has the worst go of it. So far, the chocolate is the body, and the packaging is the clothes. Makes sense, in a "peopley-chocolate" kind of way. The Kiss, horrifically, has her face GRAFTED ONTO THE PACKAGE. If she wants to change her wrapping, does she also change face? Does it hurt? Is she trapped in there, her chocolate skin unable to breathe? Imagine if YOUR FACE was on YOUR SHIRT!

Anyway, 5/5, chocolate's good