What an enchanting building, so grand. The rooms ...

What an enchanting building, so grand. The rooms are huge and the bathrooms are about twice the size of any other hotel I have stayed at. The reception staff are on point. Always immaculately dressed, well groomed and helpful almost to a fault. Personally I would like to thank Juanito (pronounced Wanito) he was so helpful when I had problems taking my belongings to the room and he even went out of his way, above the call of duty, to help me unpack them.

I would have given five stars however the people in the room opposite us were, how can I say it. Weird. They invited themselves into my room after knocking the door with a bottle of vodka. At this point I allowed them to stay purely out of curiosity to see in which particular direction this was going to go. I am going to give you a test, it's an easy multiple choice one.

What do you think happened next? No lying now and no cheating by scrolling forward.

A. The girl vomited on the bed whilst she was bouncing up and down shouting about how she was going to Marbella next week.

B. The couple didn't leave the room until about 10am.

C. The "man" of the couple was having his girlfriend stand in front of him while she showed some rubbish on her phone yet at the same time his hand was down my male friends trousers interfering with him straight in front of me.

D. The "man" kept on saying the same rubbish over and over again which included how he had just got oout of jail 8 weeks ago and he was going to get married to the love of his life, said strumpet that was wearing shorts that could have possibly been used as a tent for a north pole expedition. This tent would also be able to fit the dogs in if you were using huskys otherwise you could fit at least 15 men in there.

So tick tock, which letter do you think it is........

As it happens all four.

I do love this hotel for the grand amenities however perhaps either a parole check or a sensible doorman that doesn't let girls in that dress like my big fat gypsy wedding might make some people's stay a little less..... Diverse.