7 months since mortgage in principle, still no mor...

7 months since mortgage in principle, still no mortgage offer.
Our solicitors, our Sellers, and even the Broker who put us on to TogetherMoney have stated that together money are the worst lenders they have ever had to deal with.

The steps on their website state:

1. We ll make sure we understand your circumstances fully before recommending a suitable mortgage.
2. Our mortgage advisers will take you through the full application process.
3. When we have everything we need, we ll assess your application and supporting information.
4. Then a surveyor will visit the property to ensure it s mortgage-worthy.
5. If it is, we ll make you a mortgage offer, which means we ve accepted your mortgage application.
6. Our advisers will tell you what s happening at each stage and, importantly, you ll have their contact details if you want to get in touch.
7. (For Purchase Only) Your conveyancer or solicitor will start to discuss exchanging contracts with the sellers and agree a date to complete the sale.
8. (For Purchase Only) Completion is the date you get the keys to your new home. We ll transfer your mortgage funds to the seller s solicitor. They ll hand over the keys and there you have it... welcome to your first home.

But in reality:
1. We ll make give anyone a conditional mortgage.
2. We will then ask you for birth certificates, wage slips, bank statements, driving license, passports, a photo of you eating a ham sandwich and the left sock you wore on the 3rd of September 2003, in its original condition.
3. Once we have everything we need...which we never will, we will request new, unrelated, different documents to waste your time.
BUT! Because the first 2 steps took over a month, you will need to send updated versions of the first lot of documents.
4. after you call us for an update, we will write down your number and tell you the correct team will call you back, but we never will, eventually after 2 months, we will call you back, and consider sending a surveyor to the property to ensure it s mortgage-worthy, but only on the 3rd Wednesday after the moons of Jupiter have alligned, but rest assured, when they do visit the property, they will massively down value the home you are willing to buy, meaning you either need to renegotiate with the seller, or somehow fork out the difference as a cash value, which if you are on a shared ownership is impossible, so everyone loses, except us.

5. If it is, mortgage worthy, we ll make you a mortgage offer, but this offer is not a real offer, this offer is what we, at Together Money, call a conditional offer, we are one of the only mortgage lenders to do this because we love wasting your time.
6. Your solicitors need to meet the conditions, we will then tell you to wait 72 hours... 2 weeks later we will claim we never got them. We will do this 3 times, over 3 months until you give up and shout at us down the phone.

8.great news, you said yes, 7 months later we still haven't given you a mortgage offer, but you might get one soon, but you need to resend all the proofs as they all expired again, also, that solicitor you used, halfway across the country, well, you better have a car because you and your partner (if joint mortgage) will have to drive up to see them as you have to sign it in front of them, as a witness, nobody else, only them. and if you don't. then no mortgage for you, that is our rules.

Anyone who uses Together...Good Luck!