Antonetta Stoops

Review of City Utilities of Springfield

I would like to enjoy having the ability to pay my...

I would like to enjoy having the ability to pay my utility bill with the convenience and ease provided by a computer. I would enjoy being able to write down my password and username, and be able to use this month after month with ease and of course the comfort of my own time. I would like to not have to worry about automated phone systems too sensitive to handle the slightest whisper of the wind as it gently caresses my drapes, blowing them with a soft rustle into my office area. This automated caller would preferably give me options, and not assume the sweet, breezy "ffffwwwwwwssshhhh" of my beautiful beige curtains in my fifty shades of beige business time arena means I am saying RESIDENTIAL SERVICES, IF YOU HAVE A GAS LEAK-"

I'm ahead of myself. I apologize. You see, these things I wish for cannot possibly be, because I have to attempt to change my password monthly. It turns out that no matter literate my discourse, no matter my level of education, no matter the fact that I WROTE IT DOWN; your company simply cannot handle the idea that I want to give you money for the pride, privilege, and first world beauty of binge watching Hulu and squeezing out a chocolate hostage for the area fish from time to time.

City Utilities is my monthly period masquerading as agency of good. You're bleeding me to death, causing headaches, you make me angry, I break out in zits and you're just standing there going "Honey, I don't care if you pay me to fetch it. I work 16 hour shifts. I'm tired. Go get your own ice cream."

I'm Fry, I'm Fry, TAKE MY MONEY, I'LL STOP EATING BACHELOR CHOW FOR YOUR PRODUCT, and you mom are selling me a cell phone designed to kill me.

I would LOVE to pay you for my bill. But you change my password when I don't log in all month and then refuse to let me reset it. You monopolize our area, refuse to acknowledge other sources of power that could lower our bills and free up extra hamburger money for our bloated economy so we could give our employees better pay rates and then cannot do something as simple as service.

SERVICE. SIMPLE, FRIENDLY, NO ERRORS IN HEARING SERVICE.

Why am I paying you to service me when I can't get off?

We do this every month. I despise you. Your terrible people , because "corporations are people too" and I have to remember to treat you with same respect as a tweaker trying to sell me a bike for $2,000 that cost $500 that has been sanded down and painted and renamed "Horse." The extra $1,500? Oh, that's because it's a custom horse. One of a kind. Only available on West Side.

WHAT ARE YOU EVEN OFFERING? FIX YOUR SYSTEMS. ALL OF THEM.

When a person needs a password reset, send them a temporary password that works. When they want to pay a bill by phone don't assume the garbage disposal is a corporate account.

Grow up baby, and go to college so you can read this review someday.

But be careful, because if the wind moves a curtain it may mean someone is talking, and if the world find out you're hearing voices from the curtains...

Well, corporations are people too. And yours is a goddamn schizo.