John Kordyback

Review of London Marriott Hotel Regents ...

Someone from the Marriott fine family of hotels to...

Someone from the Marriott fine family of hotels took issue with my previous review. Therefore I ve decided to update it so they will not object.

Upon checkin I was immediately taken into a small room next to the pool and interrogated by thugs from the Church of the Militant Elvis Party. After several hours I was forced to sign a confession that my cat Lucifer is indeed the antichrist and swore off garbanzo beans for the next fiscal year.

Our rooms were in the north tower. Bats hung from the ceiling, sulphuric acid poured from the taps, and there were ritualistic goat sacrifices in the hallway at 2 AM. Better than some of the other reviews that I ve seen but it still lacked a certain je ne sais quoi that you d come to expect from a property in the Regents Park area.

Our rooms were burgled regularly. There were 16 kinds of hummus offered in the lounge but no pita was available. It as pitiful. A lawn darts tournament in the lobby kept us on our toes while we avoided the Hare Krishna selling encyclopedias by the front entrance.

All in all, a delightful experience made even more pleasurable by the front desk staff.