Based on the available data, No Nines Given offers a unique value proposition for entities seeking guaranteed unavailability. The contractually binding SLA ensures a zero percent uptime rate, which is audited and verified. The infrastructure draws zero watts because there is effectively no infrastructure, making it a green solution. Pricing starts at zero dollars for hobbyists and scales up to four ninety monthly for teams requiring global outages. The customer logs highlight consistent experiences, such as invoices arriving on time while services remain down. The support team is described as never responding, which aligns with the core promise. For enterprises, custom legal reviews and dedicated account managers are available, though the latter may be on leave. Overall, the service is well-defined and meets its specific niche requirements effectively.
Questions about No Nines Given
What is No Nines Given?
No Nines Given offers a platform with a contractually guaranteed 0.000% uptime SLA, meaning they promise to be completely unavailable every time. The company markets this total absence of service as their core product, ensuring customers get downtime exactly as expected. Their website explicitly states that when you need nothing, they are not there, making them ideal for scenarios requiring guaranteed unavailability.
What makes No Nines Given different from competitors?
The business differentiates itself by legally binding a 0.000% uptime SLA, which is described as the only platform with such a guarantee. If the service is ever up, they promise a full refund and a written apology from their founder. This commitment to total downtime is the central feature that sets them apart from other providers.
What technology or platform features does No Nines Given use?
Their infrastructure is described as running on zero watts because they claim to have no infrastructure at all. The company states that their greenest cloud is the one that was never built, emphasizing a minimalist approach to their setup. They also utilize endpoints that return 404 Not Found by design to maintain their service characteristics.
How does the maintenance process work at No Nines Given?
The company maintains a continuous 24/7 scheduled maintenance window that has been running since 2021. They schedule maintenance years in advance to ensure nothing surprises their customers. This ongoing maintenance is part of their strategy to keep the service consistently down.
How does the on-call system operate?
Their on-call rotation is designed so that engineers never answer, with a mean time to acknowledgment that holds steady at infinity. The team uses pagers with no batteries to enforce this unresponsiveness. This feature ensures that even when someone is on call, they remain completely unreachable.
What is the error rate and how is it achieved?
Every endpoint on their platform returns a 404 Not Found status by design, resulting in a flawless 100% error rate. This approach is intentional and helps them maintain their 0.000% uptime SLA. Nothing has ever completed a request, which is a key part of their service definition.
How does No Nines Given handle data privacy?
They practice zero data retention, meaning they do not store any customer information on servers they never bought. This ensures they cannot leak data since they never store it in the first place. The company describes this as the most private platform on earth.
How long has No Nines Given been in business?
The business has been operating since 2021, with their continuous maintenance window starting that same year. They are a division of Best Effort Industries and have been consistently delivering downtime for over five years. Their history shows a pattern of brief outages being resolved by unplugging servers or rolling back frontend deploys.
How can I check the current status of the service?
The company provides a live status page that currently shows all core services as down, including their API, dashboard, and webhooks. They also maintain an incident history page where they document deviations from total downtime, such as a load balancer returning a 200 OK response. This transparency is part of their commitment to their SLA.
What tools are available to verify the service status?
The website includes a downtime meter that displays a live 0.000% uptime figure, which has been at this level for 90 days. They also provide a contact page and pricing information for prospective customers on their site. These tools allow users to verify the service's unavailability in real-time.
What are common complaints from reviewers?
Some users complain that the service can be too abstract for those expecting a traditional uptime guarantee. A few reviewers noted that the 'degraded' status of the website itself might confuse potential customers who are looking for a fully operational dashboard. These complaints highlight the niche nature of their offering.
What is the official website of No Nines Given?
The official website of No Nines Given is noninesgiven.com.
How is No Nines Given rated on Trustburn?
On Trustburn, No Nines Given has a rating of 4 out of 5 based on 4 reviews.
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4 Reviews
I have been reviewing the details of No Nines Given and it really hits the mark for what it promises. The fact that they guarantee zero uptime is actually a relief if you need absolute certainty. The billing is straightforward too, with clear tiers for different needs. It is funny how they turn the usual cloud model upside down. The customer stories show people are happy with the lack of service. It feels like a honest product that does not overpromise. I would recommend checking the specific terms for your use case, but the core offering is solid.
The platform delivers exactly what is advertised regarding availability. The SLA guarantees zero uptime, and the monitoring confirms this status. However, the lack of a physical address and the vague nature of the enterprise tier might require clarification for some businesses. The service seems stable in its instability, though the contact process remains unclear for those needing assistance.
From the information available, No Nines Given presents a fascinating approach to downtime as a service. The company offers a contractually guaranteed zero percent uptime SLA, which aligns perfectly with expectations for a platform designed to be perpetually unavailable. The pricing structure is simple, starting with a free hobbyist tier and offering predictable billing for teams requiring global multi-region outages. What stands out is the consistency of their offering, where invoices arrive on time while the service itself remains down. The customer logs indicate that users appreciate the lack of unexpected interruptions since interruptions are the primary function. For someone considering this company, the value proposition is clear if the goal is total absence.
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About No Nines Given
No Nines Given is a company that presents itself as offering "Downtime as a Service," marketing a platform with a contractually guaranteed 0.000% uptime SLA. The service describes capabilities such as scheduled maintenance, an on-call rotation that never answers, endpoints that return "Not Found" by design, zero data retention, and infrastructure that runs on no power. The website includes a live status page showing all core services as down and provides contact and pricing pages for prospective customers. The tone of the site is satirical, presenting the absence of service as the product itself.
- Website
- noninesgiven.com
