Jared Johnson

Review of Balmoral Hotel

The in-city hotel experience can be often marred b...

The in-city hotel experience can be often marred by compromises. Cities are busy, quick-paced, and cramped. Only exceptional hotels, like the Mandarin Oriental, for instance, can manage to make a city-centered stay still feel like a luxurious escape. Unfortunately, the Balmoral is not one of these exceptional hotels.

Upon our arrival, the not-so-expansive lobby was a crowded madhouse a design flaw we observed from the get-go. When we checked in, our room was not ready. We were welcomed to join the crowded bar of others waiting and buy ourselves a drink, if, of course, we were able to flag down a server to do so.

When finally assigned to a room (it was never announced as ready, we had to personally check in again and discover that for ourselves, and then walk ourselves there), it was the first room outside of the elevator and with an adjoining door to the next room, of which we could hear every movement and word uttered by our neighboring guests. When we asked if other rooms were available, we were shown a smaller room akin to a hostel. Lovely.

We toured the facilities and realized the hotel's amenities left much to be desired. Their "gym" consisted of a treadmill, cycle machine, and about 4 feet of square space to dance about if you so desire.

Later that night, we dined at Number One, the hotel's Michelin-starred restaurant. They were featuring a more-expensive-than-usual New Year's menu that was described as "special" but not featuring anything uncommon to their typical fare. The amuse bouche was excellent as were many of the earlier courses. The scallop, however, was stringy, and the sea bass underwhelming. About midway through the meal, the service slowed nearly to a halt. The time between removing the previous course and delivering the next was averaging between 20 to 30 minutes. A table next to us, however, came in after us and left before us.

The next morning, due to being "so busy," the breakfast was moved from the restaurant into the ballroom, where they had set up card tables and cheap wedding rental chairs around a buffet. When we ordered pancakes off the hot menu we were told to just get them off the buffet, the ones that had been sitting on a heater. They were inedible. The buffet also featured a tin filled with precooked fried eggs that looked plastic. Service here was also slow, and the haggis gave me food poisoning. I see now why the U.S. has banned it.

We then went to see the castle and national museum, all conveniently close by and easy to reach on foot, but upon our return at 3 p.m., our room had still not been serviced. After all that walking we were dying to put our feet up and hydrate, so this was especially annoying. We called for service, and after 30 minutes, we called again and asked to speak to management. All they did was apologize and promise service was on the way.

Eventually but reluctantly, the manger invited us to come down to the bar and have a round of drinks on the house. We agreed for no other reason other than to finally get some water. The manager personally escorted us into the bar, introduced us to the bar manager and seated us for our drinks. After that no one came by or spoke to us for 15 minutes. At that time, I got up, stormed out, and went back to reception. A receptionist asked how he could help me. I didn't know where to begin, so I simply asked, "Can I have a glass of water?"



Feeling hopeless, we immediately returned to our room, still being cleaned, and started packing for another hotel. There was no effort to keep us upon checkout, just more hollow apologies.

Days later the Balmoral responded to a survey of our stay and offered us two free nights on our next visit. I'm sorry, Balmoral, but this experience was truly once in a lifetime, and I'd like to keep it so.