Myself and my friends can only assume that the oth...

Myself and my friends can only assume that the other people rating this as 4 or 5 stars were taken to a completely different reality where the concept of value for money and professionalism means nothing. The performances weren t rehearsed until moments before the actual show in front of all the guests at hushed volumes. If this was a true representation of Maori culture and the daily norms and practices of the Maori people then their ability to sustain themselves for as long as they have with such great esteem globally is one of life s true miracles and mysteries.

We have been fleeced for $130 and can only Assume the owners are laughing on a yacht in the middle of the Pacific and probably aren t Maori.

The best part of the night has been the long, hot journey home in the brand new bus punctuated by 6 laps of a roundabout while forcing participation in a travel song which in the context of overcooked lamb, mussels and chicken has inspired a turn of my stomach only rivalled by the feeling of entrapment during the closing ceremony.

Luckily the only thing getting me through is the knowledge that when we get back to our disgraceful motel we can plunge our heads under water in the mineral pool with the distinct possibility of suffering amoebic meningitis hopefully causing enough brain damage to completely wipe the memory of Temaki village.