California Grill reminds me of the place that you ...

California Grill reminds me of the place that you probably loved as a kid and went there for special occasions, but as you got older and bougier (or pickier or more difficult, whatever you want to call it), you stopped coming back because it felt too simple and just not that good.

There's a bunch of great things about California Grill. First, there's tons of seating, and they can usually handle large groups on a walk-in basis. Second, the service is so kind! The servers are all so sweet and considerate, and helpful! When I came a couple weeks ago, they immediately brought over coloring for the kids. Later, one of the kids spilled and our server was so calm and helpful! Within 10 seconds there were tons of napkins brought over and after 10 more seconds, someone came back with a mop. So easy, no scene, and didn't impact the service at all. Third, the portions are huge and the flavors are decent. The sides are a crowd-pleaser: you can never have enough of the Calamari or giant Mozzarella Sticks.

And then there are the reasons why you don't want to go to California Grill. The salads feature basic greens like romaine and there's no kale to be found anywhere. You order the healthiest salad you can find, the Avocado Tuna Salad, and order it with Grilled Salmon instead of Tuna Salad. It's just way too much salad, and although the flavors aren't bad, you know you'd rather have a Sweetgreen Bowl. The menu is uninspired and has a lot of basic dishes that your parents still like but you no longer want. You start to realize that California Grill didn't change. You changed! And then you start to have an existential life crisis because you realize that you've became a diva who can't appreciate the simple pleasures in life anymore. Everyone has a California Grill in their life. And it's a sad day when you realize that it's not them: it's you.