Are you looking for a peaceful, luxurious, 5-star ...

Are you looking for a peaceful, luxurious, 5-star South Beach experience? The Setai is THE hotel for you, if you enjoy...

1) Rooms that are poorly cleaned, and are subject to loud electronic music until midnight on weekends (thanks to the club-like atmosphere in the hotel restaurant)...

2) Toilets that barely flush, and that splash your fecal matter all over the toilet seat (and floor) when you do manage to successfully flush them...

3) A dysfunctional spa that confirms your appointment 2+ weeks in advance, only to tell you 10 minutes after your arrival to the spa that your therapist did not arrive and that you can reschedule for the following day after your scheduled checkout time...

4) Pools that are so frigid as to make one question whether they exist purely for aesthetics (and that are constantly inundated by pesky mosquitos)...

5) Average (at best) lunch buffets that cost $95 per person, plus gratuity and tax...

Seriously: we ve stayed at 5 star hotels all over the world, and the Setai isn t one of them. Don t be fooled by the hype. This place seems to be surviving based purely on its past reputation not the experience it currently provides.

There are over a dozen superior properties in Miami Beach alone (let alone the greater South Florida area). Disregard the canned, apologetic response that the hotel s manager will post in response to this review. Save your money. Go elsewhere. You ll thank me later!