Honestly I was more than a little undecided about ...

Honestly I was more than a little undecided about how to rate The Gallivant.

On the one hand I've enjoyed every visit, so that must be good.On the other hand, I feel like my enjoyment there is always induced by my own company or circumstance. My good times at the Gallivant have always been achieved not because of, but in spite of, The Gallivant's staff and facilities.

"So why do I continue to visit?" I hear you ask, in deafening shrieks of frustrated confusion...

I work in the advertising industry and have been involved in advertising campaigns being shot on the beach at Camber several times, and more often than not the client or production company accommodates the crew at the, undeniably convenient, Gallivant.

In these moments, being away from my family for one or maybe two nights with work, The Gallivant had always provided exactly what I need. There is a nice cosy bar area to have a beer with a laptop after work, plenty of design-focused magazines and books dotted around. The food is decent, as long as you avoid any of their overly-aspirational dishes. Try and expect high quality pub grub and you'll enjoy it. Go in thinking you're going to get a fast-track on a future Michelin star and you'll end up sitting on your sofa in the middle of a Sunday afternoon leaving an unexcesarily work google-review while your wife listens to desert Island discs.

The rooms are generally small and seaside themed, with good technology and well presented providing you don't look too close. A lot of the bathrooms need some TLC, a few new tiles or some new silicone.

What really marred this reliable-if-unremarkable track record was the first time I decided to visit on my own dime, with my wife.

It was to be the first night away alone, without our baby boy. Perhaps a year or more since his birth and finally we felt ready to leave him with his grandma for a night. I suggested The Gallivant as it's about an hour or so from home, it's right on the beach and it's easy to park there and doesn't involve going into a busy towns or built up areas. EG an easy overnight escape without too much thought required. Also there is dining and a bar on site, and especially importantly they have some modest spa facilities.

The massage I booked was shocking. I was ok with the shed location at first, I understood they were going for a Scandinavian cabin vibe and was willing to buy in. But the young woman who gave me my massage was pathetic. Like, EMBARRASSING. She gave me a very light going over and for a good ten minutes in the middle of the massage she was running my head with one hand while USING HER PHONE. no joke.

After I returned from my massage I wanted to shower off the oils before dinner, and the shower flooded the entire bathroom. This meant either a) moving to a drastically inferior room or b) milling around on a towel while the staff tried to clean up the mess. (Went with b).